Begging Paul Mooney’s Forgiveness

I say Mr Mooney as he is the highest level admin i know, and im hoping he can put in a good word with the gods of notes admins for me before i die.

my crime (or rather sin), is that i have taken to gluing adminP requests together by hand, when the proper process gets on my nerves, the latest one (in this case a change password on a domino directory request, which i wanted to generate immediately but i had already send no to the password change prompt for that day), consisted of me copying out a completed adminP request from the live domain and then over writing fields from a local one i generated on my dev domain, leaving only the security fields in place (i love scanez), then pasting it back into the live domain admin4.nsf

I am prepared to take my punishment(hangs head in shame)

A programmers secret

One of my major client’s developers has been off ill the last couple of days but who despite vomiting, the shits and a very bad back is managing to do a hell of a lot of work, when enquiries were made as to his ability to do so, his response was:

“That’s because I’m channelling the spirit of Xmas past, who, as it turns out, is quite a good programmer”

I tell you, with this office you just cant make it up!

Proof that my colleagues and I need a holiday (and to not be fixing 100 problems at once)

The names of the innocent have been removed:

Ben Poole … Special: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lBbCvCtkDMY – you must LISTEN 😀
Ben Poole … this will explain my documentation…
Mark Myers … nothing explains your documentation
Ben Poole … No no, this WILL
Ben Poole … Shout if you need the lyrics.
Ben Poole … cough
Mark Myers … question?
Ben Poole … answer
Mark Myers … your wife and children?, do they live in fear of the night?
Ben Poole … it’s the best way to control them
Mark Myers … Address: Bens family, Hidding under the strairs in terror, No XX, South london, england
Ben Poole … 😀
Ben Poole … No, I fill their lives with joy. Like the song says: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xY03n3QCLes
Mark Myers … your not working at home tomorrow because of a holiday, your at home because its the “time of the change”
Ben Poole … don’t be ridiculous
Ben Poole … It’s not a full moon tomorrow
Mark Myers … quite right, this weekend is the sacred green jelly sabbath
Ben Poole … no, this weekend is when I’m in Elveden forest
Ben Poole … I shall be frolicing naked as the day I was born with the Suffolk elves
Ben Poole … Probably singing the monkey song
Mark Myers … you know the phrase allways worried me “naked as the day I was born” what happens if you were born wearing a hazmat suit,
Ben Poole … Well then “naked as the day i was born” would mean “not that naked”
Ben Poole … i.e., wearing a hazmat suit
Ben Poole … quite simple really
Mark Myers … ah ha, so you admit the crime of hazmat suit breeding!!
Ben Poole … I admit nothing
Ben Poole … I have nothing to declare except my genius
Ben Poole … as the saying goes
Mark Myers … So, nothing to declare then?
Ben Poole … shyte, walked into that one
Mark Myers … its the wood elves they poison your mind, switch to the side of the pizies (they have dental)
Ben Poole … Ah, but sharp teeth: a real no-no with mischievous woodland creatures, esp. if you’re in the habit of dancing in the buff with them

Your Code is in good hands

Cognos Domino Integration Code

Some of you may have heard of Cognos (version 8), its one of IBM’s business planning bits of software that always get managers more excited than is good for an English gentleman, but for the rest of us it means one thing, reports… wo wo woohhhh, stay!!!, don’t shut down the site yet, i know you have had it up to your nostril hairs with reports but that’s not what I’m on about, I’m just going to share the pain (and eventual joy), of getting it all working in domino, so that your managers/clients can get reports off a congnos server cleanly and see them in domino, through one web service port. so here we go.

firstly, cognos is a chunk of java working on an apache box, regardless of the fact you might think its working on IIS, its reached by port 9300 (by default),

I know this sounds dumb, but I’m just going to stuff the code in with a heap load of comments in it, the reason for this is i spend ages searching the net for help with cognos stuff and other than cognoses own HEAVILY protected site (cor! don’t they want you to hire a congnos consultant), there’s is only one free support site, so i want to make it as google friendly as possible., also this code depends on you having the cognos SDK (which as far as I’m aware costs about $10000), I’m pretty sure that if i put the necessary cognos jar files from the SDK up here i would be sued to within an inch of my life, but in case you have it they are: axisCognosClient.jar, cognos-axis.jar, cognosClient.jar, axisReportNetClient.jar) anyway, click on the attachment link to get the code (its too long to just paste into blogshpere)