There seems to be the chance that i might be a’traveling to the fair US for one of my clients (a most exciting prospect), but how to act like a native in any given city: NY, Chicago or Detroit, anyone got any tips?

In return i offer 9 beginner tips for the joy that is London town.

1) Please stand on the right on escalators, the left is the fast lane (it is very defiantly not the “I have huge luggage and like to block peoples way” lane)
2) Public transport is the norm, both buses and trains/tube are used by ‘suits’, there’s no shame in it.
3) Its impossible to walk round anywhere without being given at least 3 free newspapers, they are mostly drivel.
4) You WILL get badly drunk (its the countries fav pastime), and it WILL cost you a fortune
5) Teenagers are the most dangerous thing in London (and that would include velociraptors if they had a colony in Trafalgar square) I’m not joking
6) All late nights will end up at a curry house (its a strange gravitation effect)
7) The only cabs to trust are the oddly shaped black ones.
8) Any inclement weather of any description with bring the city to a standstill for example “the wrong sort of sunshine”
9) If you get your self injured in our fair city, don’t worry, you don’t need any money or insurance, we got it covered as a freebie 🙂

Its been over a month since i last blogged, but I have a good reason, I have been given an amazing opportunity (given the current financial climate), and my working skill set has taken a amazing leap, I am now working on FLEX 3, Proper Java (with Spring, Hibernate and very serious web services) in addition to Domino, and all with those tight times that make a project fun, its been disturbing my sleep but i wake keen to be at work (always the best way to be), but time to get some useful blog entries out.

You hear from everybody these days that the art of customer service is dead, this is apparently not so with www.zazzle.com and Disney, in an effort to get a T-shirt done in time for lotus Sphere, i ordered it and had it emergency ups’ed to the hotel in Florida, alas it did not arrive in time (to be fair i only gave them a couple of days), i gave a mental shrug and counted it as a lost gamble, a couple of weeks later i get a email from zazzle customer service saying that they had had the T-shirt returned, and that i had been given a full refund including postage, a complete surprise (if one that makes me feel slightly guilty)

This was done for LS09 but never quite finished (and i was never THAT drunk), any amendments welcome (even abusive ones)
EDIT: I should also point out that Ben Poole is jointly responsible for the wording.

If I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you a server – I would buy you a server
And if I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you software for your server – maybe a nice os or anti virus
And if I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, i’d install redhat – a nice reliable OS
But if I only had a few thou. I’d buy you IdeaJam

/ A E D – / / / / / / A E D – E – – – /

If I had a million dollars
I’d build a cool place to work
If I had a million dollars
You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe we could have a cage for all the managers in there

You know, we could just go up there and get stuff done — amazing
products, code a tonne.

There would be oodles of coffee, plenty of Jolt,
maybe beer at the desk so no coders revolt.

They’d have pre-poured vodka but no pre-poured beer.
Well, what do you reckon? Can you blame ’em? Uh, yeah!

/ D E A / F#m / D E A / F#m / D E A / F#m D… E… /

If I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you Exchange (no, not really that’s kinda cruel)
But if I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you an expensive flop – (yep, like OS2 or Workplace)
And if I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you Steve Miller’s soul – (yeah, can’t cost that much)
But if I only had a few thou., then I’d buy you IdeaJam

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn’t have to write all that Java
If I had a million dollars
We’d write stuff in .NET ’cause it costs so much more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn’t have to eat none o’that humble pie

But we would eat humble pie. Of course we would, more and more
’cause IBM Consulting would send in the bill and we’d be so poor

If I had a million dollars – If I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you Sharepoint (no, not really, that’s kinda cruel)
And if I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you some top drawer content – maybe Ed or vowe-dot-net
If I had a million dollars – if I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you a nice client – haven’t you always wanted a nice client
But If I only had a few thou., I’d buy you IdeaJam

If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, I’d sell SAP

As a person with a low caffeine tolerance and a love of all sugary things (careful), i have always adored energy drinks, normally i drink Relentless (for the taste, particularly relentless green, and the fact they have nice forms on their website) or redbull for the fact they run notes, how ever one of the developers from my biggest client, brought me back the following from a trip to L.A., a couple of cans from a company called Rockstar.

just look at it, its HUGE!! it contains or the normal nasty chemicals (caffeine, taurine, guarana), plus a few ones i have not heard of, and a few i sure they’ve just made up (milk thistle anyone?), it might be normal stuff to my US readers but it looks like an amazing heart attack in a can to me, just being the same room as it makes my heart rate speed up to the point i cant make out individual beats, I’m going to save it for a project that i have no hope of delivering and need to code at light speed, but mainly I’m touched that a college would think of it on their only holiday in years to bring it back several thousand miles. (thanks Mr Fullwood)